


everyone leaves

by NobodyFromNowhere



Category: Twenty One Pilots
Genre: Alternate Universe, Angst, Drabble, Emotional, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Established Relationship, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Self-Doubt, Self-Esteem
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-04-08
Updated: 2019-04-08
Packaged: 2020-01-06 20:58:53
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,545
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18396245
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/NobodyFromNowhere/pseuds/NobodyFromNowhere
Summary: “Why haven't you left me yet?”





	everyone leaves

**Author's Note:**

  * A translation of [все уходят](https://archiveofourown.org/external_works/470732) by RunTheConverse. 



> original author's notes:  
> I dedicate this story to anyone who's ever felt like Tyler. i love you all

''Josh.''

Josh is sitting opposite and typing something in his phone.

''Josh.''

Josh looks up and looks up.

''Why are you still with me?''

''What? I mean, I don't understand ... ''

“Why haven't you left me yet?”

''Tyler, what are you talking about?''

''About us. About me,'' Tyler looks away and looks somewhere sideways and down. ''Why are you still with me?''

Josh really doesn't understand what that means, and he gets up and sits down next to him, never taking his eyes off his face.

''Because I love you.''

“That's not true,” Tyler blinks and tries to move away, but Josh covers his palms, resting on his knees, and squeezes easily.

''What makes you think of it at all? I love you, Tyler,'' Josh moves even closer, so that they now sit close to each other. ''I don't want to go anywhere.''

“Everyone always leaves,” Tyler’s voice sounds broken, and he takes a deep breath, trying not to cry. ''I hate myself. There is something wrong with me, because otherwise I don’t know how to explain that everyone, fucking person left me. And I need to know when will you leave, because then it doesn't hurt so much,'' Tyler turns and looks at Josh, there are tears in his eyes, and Tyler blinks, and one tear quickly rolls down his cheek. It will hurt anyway, but he would like to prepare himself somehow.

Josh puts his hand on Tyler's face and wipes the wet path with his thumb. Tyler blinks again, and this time a tear rolls down from the other eye. Josh repeats the movement with the second palm. Tyler's eyelashes stuck together, and therefore they seemed to be even longer, brighter, even dollier.

“Tyler,” Josh says his name softly. “I love you more than anything, and I’m not going to leave for anything unless you ask. I feel good with you, and I hope you like me too. I don't want to go anywhere.''

Tyler blinks more often in order not to cry, new tears flow down Josh's worn fingers, but, of course, he cannot restrain himself. Tyler sobs. Josh leans closer to him and kisses him on the forehead.

“Come to me,” Josh puts his hands to Tyler on his back, clasping the guy, and gently but firmly presses him to himself. Tyler doesn’t have the strength to hug Josh, but he understands everything. ''Ty, breathe, do you hear? I'm here. I'm here.''

Tyler shakes, he sobs every few seconds and soaks Josh's shirt with tears. Josh hugs him tighter than ever and gently strokes his back, burying his nose in his boyfriend's hair somewhere on the side of his head.

''I love you, Tyler. I love you so much, and I'm really not going anywhere. I want to be with you all my life, only if you want me to be there.''

Tyler wraps his hands around Josh's torso, clinging his fingers to a T-shirt, as if fearing that he might disappear somewhere now.

“Josh ...” Tyler tries to start talking, but he doesn’t succeed, he sobs again, and Josh holds him in his arms, Josh hugs him and whispers somewhere in his ear that he will not go anywhere.

“Josh,” Tyler stops crying, but he says still softly. “Josh, I ... I really don't understand why you ... Look at me,'' they are still sitting in each other's arms, and Tyler doesn't want to step back. ''I'm ugly. I can't look at myself in the mirror. And now I’m even afraid to imagine what my face looks like,'' He pauses, and Josh wants to start talking, but Tyler continues. ''I'm not only ugly, I'm also fat. Fat piece of shit. I am disgusted with myself, and I don’t understand what you found in me,'' He squeezes Josh’s fabric a little more with his fingers. ''I'm a fucking walking shit. I don't remember when everything was fine with me. I mean, do you really need someone like me? Someone who cannot understand himself all his life? I have been living for twenty-something fucking years and do not understand why I am like that. Why I can not live like everyone else, why I have these fucking bouts? Why do I look like that? Why I can not lose weight, no matter how much I tried. Why are you with me, Josh?'' He sighs loudly. “I don't know why you need me.”

“Dummy,” Josh kisses Tyler on the temple and pulls back a little to look into his eyes. “You're the most handsome person I've ever met,” Josh's hands are again on Tyler’s face, and he delineates the jaw line, runs his fingers along his flushed cheeks, runs down the two-day stubble, and smiles a little at the way she’s pinched. “I want to look at you forever. You look handsome, and it doesn't matter if you are crying, or you just woke up, or you're terribly tired. I love you any. I love every part of you,” He puts his palms on his neck.

''I love you, Tyler. And I am ready to pronounce this phrase as much as is needed, until you believe it. I love the way you look. You're the prettiest of all the people I've ever seen,'' Josh giggles, and in the meantime Tyler he puts his forehead on his shoulder, trying not to cry again. Josh continues. “I remember when I first saw you. I don’t remember exactly what I did that day, because after I looked at you, I forgot all my plans. You are the most handsome person on the planet, and I am absolutely serious. Perhaps someone will disagree with me, but I say what I feel.”

“Josh ...” Tyler pulls out, exhaling warmly into his shoulder. “I just ... I can't. I do not believe that I deserve you. I do not believe that I deserve a good attitude at all, because all my life everyone has been telling me that I am useless. They said that I was fat, that I was strange, that I did not belong here, that I did not belong everywhere. And I just can not believe that someone... that you can treat me so well.”

“You deserve everything, Ty. And I promise that I will tell you this every day, every time you need to hear it. You deserve everything in the world, and I want to give you everything you need to make you happy.”

Tyler puts his hand on Josh's neck, gently stroking.

“I love you,” the voice still twitches a little, but that doesn't matter. Tyler leans closer to Josh and presses his lips to Dun's lips.

None of them deepens the kiss. Josh feels salty and presses closer to Tyler, but he breaks the kiss.

''Can we go to sleep? You can lie down and sit in the phone, just ... Lie down beside me, please.''

Josh smiles and nods.

It's not midnight yet, but Tyler has already wanted to sleep, which surprises Josh, but he doesn’t give a look. They undress, leaving only the underwear. Josh looks at Tyler while he takes off his T-shirt, and even in the dark, when Josh can barely see his silhouette, Tyler turns away and seems to be trying to hide.

Josh is in bed first, Tyler climbs under the blanket right behind him. Josh sets alarms and then puts the phone on the nightstand and tries to make himself comfortable. He finds Tyler’s hand under the covers and gently squeezes her in his, and then twists his fingers.

“I love you,” Josh repeats again, and Tyler smiles.

“I love you too,” Tyler whispers. “Um, I want to turn on my side, Josh,” he hints that Josh should let go of his hand, but Josh doesn’t see any obstacles in it.

“Turn,” Josh turns back after Tyler and slowly moves closer. His palms lie on Tyler's thigh, and Josh moves as close as possible, burying his nose in Tyler's hair, and then puts his hand on his stomach to embrace.

“Josh, don't,” Tyler cringes, trying to move away from his boyfriend, but there is nowhere else to move. The thoughts in his head say that he is ugly, that he does not deserve anything good, he does not deserve Josh.

“Hush,” Tyler clears his hand, and Josh smoothly strokes his belly, putting his nose to the back of his head and breathing. ''You are the most handsome. I really sometimes can not take my eyes off you. I always want to touch you, but I often restrain myself, because I think that I am imposing too much. I love to listen to your voice, the way you speak, how you hum a song. I love everything about you, Ty, and I'm not going anywhere.''

Tyler smiles, and tears flow from his eyes, soaking the pillow, and he presses close to Josh, wants to be closer. He wants to show him now how grateful he is, how he appreciates every word and action, but he feels that he will fall asleep now.

After Josh hears a peaceful sigh, his face breaks into a contented smile, and he could not fall asleep for a long time, but he could enjoy the presence of the most handsome guy beside him, as close as possible.


End file.
